Since our Sailor Dog has been down with a kidney condition we have been living under a dark cloud, knowing that the inevitable will come soon enough. We soldiered on each day caring for her, to ensure that her medical needs and her diet are tended to, in addition to making sure she is comfortable. Each progressive week we can see her condition deteriorating. No longer as active, she will be sleeping most of the time or simply laying down in one of her favourite spots nearer to where we were at different times of the day.
She has been eating lesser and lesser and increasingly I had to be a little more creative in my cooking to coax her into getting enough sustenance into her increasingly emaciated body. We also had to ensure that her anti-vomit medication is administered at the correct time of the day so that she can at least keep her food down long enough for it to be digested and absorbed. I had made her a pair of vests out of a towel to keep her warm. Later, this pair of vest also served to hide her painfully thin body from sight. It was heart break to say the very least but knowing that her condition will get worser and we need to be there for her, we just had to keep our heads level and tend to the here and now.
In the last two weeks, her condition was going downhill at a faster pace. When the admiral gave our Sailor Dog a bath, what was revealed after removing her vest was a sight that brought tears to my eyes. She was literally skin and bones. Oh my Sailor Dog, what would I give to have you back to where you were a few years ago.
On this last week, her bodily functions were breaking down. She could no longer walk and there were sores in her mouth making eating and drinking a painful exercise. I could see that it pained her to swallow her own saliva. It became clear then that I have to do what is best for her. I will not want to go into further details on the proceedings from then onwards. The wounds on my heart are too painful to relive what we had to live through. It was only yesterday that I had to kiss my Sailor Dog on her forehead one last time telling her “it’s OK, It’s OK, go to sleep now!”. The pains of parents who has to see their own children off in this way, is unfathomable. No amount of mental preparation can prepare you well enough for this.
We came back to a home suddenly void of her physical presence although we can still feel her with us only that we can no longer see her. It is very difficult to say the very least. Everything reminds us of her and the sheering pain of missing her.
Just now, the wind was howling and a storm was approaching. My first thoughts were of Sailor Dog. She is terrified of thunderstorms. We use to hide under a blanket in the thick of such fierce thunderstorms when we were living on our sailboat all the while underneath this big conductive lightning rod, the mast.
Time will heal they say and I hope it will. In the meantime we will try to keep ourselves busy to distract ourselves from the pains. There are time when we will be overwhelmed by our longing to see our Sailor Dog again but life must go on and it does. I will want to keep the memories of her alive. When we finally bring her ashes home, it will sit in a prominent place in our home. I may want to start making marine canvas bags again in her name in honour of the joys she has brought to us while we were living together on our boat.
Feel free to look though some of the Sailor Dog’s earlier posts to relive some of the sweet moments and times we have shared with her in her life, as I will be doing so myself as well. I will not be adding onto this blog in future.
As this blog was intended to share the joys of life with others I hope that the message to live life as it should be lived while we can, does get through. Remember to live life always.
Sailor Dog signing off for the last time. Cheers!